I'm Concerned, Is A Total Understatement!

I'm terrified sometimes. I want to say "please help me" but nothing will change. In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in water and can't see shore. I feel this way in my mind and I can't stop the feeling no matter what. Nothing can possibly stop the feeling because it goes beyond me. Not only that, but also because any help will be passive. I think that a main cause is boredom. I feel as if I've wasted my life away, everyday. I feel as though the worst is going to happen and that I will be punished. Something needs to save me, something besides people. I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't true. Something must be wrong, but it's not something that comes from life itself, or the world. It's as though I don't know, but it makes me wish that everything was over so I could know if I'm safe or not. Where does wasted time go, if it can't be redeemed during this life? Will I be safe in say, 150 years? As long as I live my life, I'm safe, but then afterwards, will I be punished for some reason? I'm concerned, but to say this is an extreme understatement. I don't know what to think or say anymore about this. I have done nothing wrong, yet I feel as though I've done stuff that's horrible. My psychological state is in total disagreement with reality and there is nothing that can change that. It seems as though my existence outside of my own self here on earth, or whatever is beyond my own consciousness, is in peril, or perhaps maybe even being punished in the afterlife. I don't believe in punishment after death. I don't believe it should be given, nor that it exists. And it's like there's a supernatural being telling me that I will be punished, but not in the form of words, but instead in the form of mental feeling. I'm more than convinced that horrible punishment is coming my way, and the only way that it can be avoided is if I'm reincarnated after I'm done with my life here on Earth. I don't dare think about killing myself. Instead, I'm just talking about after I've died say, in 64 years of natural causes. Until then, I will live a life full of uncertainty. Not knowing what comes after death makes me break and is totally overwhelming. I would ask the supernatural being (if there was one) to change everything. With the previous three sentences in mind, I forgive you and know that you might be the worst criminal but I can't afford to be mean. Oh, how wondrous life on Earth has been, and how much nostalgia I've deserved is insane, and in the end I might be punished and the worst might happen to me.