I really want to go on vacation but my dad wants to go in a Toyota pickup. The problem with that is that I don't want to go in the Toyota; the Toyota seems to bring bad luck and is therefore unpleasant for me to ride in. He doesn't want to take the Buick because it's supposedly unreliable and were we to go on vacation, we'd probably be driving for about 14 hours one way. So taking the Rendezvous is a gamble but I still don't want to go in the Toyota because of how uncomfortable it is, despite that, unlike the Buick, it has air conditioning. Just goes to show how much I dislike the Toyota. Renting a car is too expensive, and we'd be staying on vacation for 3 or 4 days. If I don't go on vacation soon, it will be very bad. Maybe I should wait until autumn and then we would fly to Nova Scotia so I can finally take some great photos.
Honestly
I honestly wish that everything could be over so that I don't have to have such ominous feelings come past me. I feel as though I am in the water and can't see shore. I wish that this could not be the only life that exists, the life that we live here on Earth. I feel the worst is going to happen to me. Is there a way that I can escape everything? No matter how much happiness and great feelings come with life, concern and terror will always outweigh the great feeling, and that's why I fantasize about leaving Earth. I'm not talking about death. Instead, this is about escaping all experience of life all just to get away from ominous feeling. I can't afford to have any ominous feeling in my mind, because that means that something is seriously wrong, so wrong that it's irreversible.
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